It's an overwhelming and sensory filled world out there

If someone was asked to describe my likes and dislikes, they would probably say "she loves trampolining/sports, cats, being in water, wearing shorts, hoodies and trainers, she hates dressing smart or dressing up to go out, hates sitting still for very long, being in busy/packed out places and very fussy about foods." All of these things are completely true, but massively sensory based - they all also got me into a lot of "trouble" growing up, my parents views were that girls don't do sports, animals are dirty, that girls should be dressed pretty in pink, they should sit still, do as they are told and eat what is put in front of them.

Foods in particular were (and still are) a big problem, if you were to say "Saucy Biscuit" to any of my maternal cousins, they would probably burst out laughing and reminisce of our childhood and some of the many antics we got up to as kids. The Saucy Biscuit was an imaginary creation of my uncle's to tease me, a biscuit with tomato ketchup on it! Sounds a bit gross right? Well to me it was more of a nightmare, I couldn't stand tomato ketchup, the smell of it still makes me retch now. In fact tomatoes in general and baked beans were a very big problem for me, my mum used to tell me that I was spoilt by my grandparents when I was a toddler, so I grew up thinking I had an irrational fear of "red foods" and was made to eat lots of foods that made me feel physically sick and unfortunately led to many difficulties with eating. As I have become older, I still stick to my favourite "safe foods", I still avoid tomatoes, ketchup and baked beans, but have come to learn that I have a hypersensitivity to smells and tastes, my husband will get me to do the sniff test on milk as he can't always tell, I know as soon as I smell a food if I can tolerate it and one taste will tell me if the food is on its was out.

As time has gone on I have started to realise that there are many more sensory needs that I have, which I may not have always realised. When my husband and I used to go out shopping, if it became busy, crowded or too warm I would become very agitated and overwhelmed, I would make him get me out of there, once we were clear and into the fresh air I would calm down and eventually be ok. I have always hated fireworks, they would make my whole body jump, I was never interested in going out to see them and wore ear muff the muffle the sound (make your own ear defenders!) Even now I hate the loud bangs and lots of noises in general make me shudder and wince, I have a few types of in ear noise reducers such as flare and loop ear plugs which have become quite commonly used now, which absolutely help with noises and over stimulation.

I have always loved soft things and needed to touch something soft, I had so many cuddly toys and as a child that my bed was covered, I used to keep a soft furry cat toy, that I called Razzor, in my pocket to take to school or keep in my pencil case so I could stroke the fur when things became too much. Now I spend time cuddling with my cats, but I also have a habit of running my fingers over the fabric of my clothing when I am anxious - which I learnt during my autism assessment is a form of stimming, a coping mechanism I have developed to calm myself when I'm distressed.

Another form of stimming is biting and boy have I done a lot of that in my time, I was a very anxious child - but I was very good at hiding it! It started with me biting and sucking the neckline of my t-shirt, it would become very soggy and probably disgusting, so I was reprimanded and had to stop. I then moved onto chewing the skin on my fingers, they would become raw or would bleed and again my mum would punish me for doing it, so I moved onto biting the inside of my mouth and cheeks - something I still do to this day. This does result in the inside of my mouth becoming very sore and bleeding, but I have been doing it for so much of my life it is very hard to change that behaviour, but I have been actively trying to change this by embracing "fidget toys" and other sensory objects.

The picture shows a small selection of my toys and objects I have many more and have no problem sharing them with you all, in situations where I know things might become stressful or intense, I will ensure that I take some of these with me - I particularly like the little fidget cube as it is small and can easily fit into my pocket, but I also have a miniature version of the slug on a keyring which is handy too. Sometimes when things become too much I may need to move around, rock, swing my legs or even sit upside down on the sofa - which my husband used to find strange, but now doesn't bat an eyelid. I always loved working with weights and resistance bands, stress balls, gyroscopes and punch bags which again are things that have lots of sensory links.

I have had to hide a lot of these needs as I grew up, so as an adult I was so used to hiding the needs that I would actively continue to hide and am only really starting to embrace all of my needs now, luckily as an adult if something becomes too much I can stop, walk away, breathe, stim, whatever I need to do to regulate. However for many children it is a whole different situation, they are usually not allowed to do these things due to lack of knowledge and understanding, they can be forced to hide their needs or stop doing things that help them to regulate. This was me and since becoming diagnosed AuDHD, I have attended sessions and workshops, undergone mentoring and counselling, all to learn how to be the real me and it has been hard, but has also been invigorating. So I am here to advocate and say it's ok to express yourself, it's ok to stim, to need comfort objects, wear ear defenders, play with fidget's or leave/not go to a place that causes you distress. Your life and mental health is worth more than confirming to a Neurotypical world, Neurodiversity is a beautiful thing, so embrace it and be proud.